I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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