I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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