Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
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