Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I am midnight drunk by noon
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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