He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
