I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
