is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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