Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
