in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
You took a bar mat shot.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
