i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
