Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
