I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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