oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
