I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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