she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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