i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up�
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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