Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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