Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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