I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
