I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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