I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
