I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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