3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
