I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
