Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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