I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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