We need to rekindle our bromance
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
