wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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