my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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