Apparently you make a good broom.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
