just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
