Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
