on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
In other news, I just burned my penis
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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