I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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