my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
