is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
