Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
