Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
