The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
