I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
