I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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