Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
