I'm eating all of the evidence.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
