The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
