Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
