How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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