Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
