I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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