There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
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