I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
